Trust is earned, not just given

​  So this morning, I woke up at 3:30 AM, for work. I wake up at 2 AM. Get ready for work get my lunch ready for work and then I leave by a quarter till three work starts at 4 AM.

  Anyway, today is Sunday and I’m watching a series called ,Dark Wind. It’s actually quite good. I was sitting here just thinking what should I write about well another page in my story so I have a neighbor her name is Lisa when I first moved into this apartment that I’m in she lived directly across from me across the common area in our apartment complex complex. I thought she was a pretty nice lady so we were sharing food on and off. I’d bring her something to eat that I was making and for my lunches/dinners, and she would bring me food over that she was making to eat for dinner that particular night and so I would take it the next day for my dinner at work anyway after several months they started saying the N-word which I do not appreciate at all. I’m not prejudice by any means, I don’t think that being prejudice makes anybody any smarter than the next person anyway. Anyway, another neighbor Nicole had come over and asked me if I was OK because I had been sick for several days and I told her I was getting better Thank you for asking probably we we were talking about something. I don’t quite remember what it was but I said to her I really don’t care for Lisa too much anymore because she keeps saying the N-word and I don’t appreciate that. I’m not prejudice in any way shape or form. Nicole had told Lisa what I had said apparently because for quite some time Lisa hadn’t said much to me after Nicole had told her that I didn’t care for Lisa saying the N-word . You a lot of times when you’re talking to somebody ,they’re going to go and tell the other person what you had said, but apparently you cannot tell anybody anything these days because for whatever reason Nicole had told Lisa what I had said. Apparently, most of the time you just shouldn’t say anything to anybody and just leave it at that because trusting somebody is becoming more and more harder. Trust is something earned . Trust is not just given , so throughout my many years  it took a while to learn. When you tell somebody something to see where it goes from there ,then you know at that point if they say something to the person that you are talking about, then you know you cannot trust them with anything else that may or may not be as important!

Sometimes you just have to

​sometimes you just have to put stuff out there on paper whether you like to or not, and sometimes you probably shouldn’t!

  There are times in life when you just have to say things you know you need to just to get stuff off of your chest, well here I go.

 Washington state because one of my children is very sick, I also have a grandson then he will be the only grandchild that I will ever have which I am grateful for thank you Lord Jesus and thank you to my son and his wife for giving me the opportunity to be a grandmother! And I came back home because I also have a third child who him and his wife I truly love a lot! I love all three of my children and the people who have become their partners in life! I love all seven of those people, my three sons and their partners in life, their wives and my grandson!

 I have to say, I wasn’t the best mother ever, but I also was never the worst mother either! I really was not ever taught how to be a mother or how to be a truly good person but, for the most part, I am a pretty good person! I taught my boys, unfortunately, fortunately, to be strong on their own and independent! Every time that they went somewhere, I always gave them a hug and a kiss and told them that I loved love them.

  Apparently teaching them how to be strong and independent made it difficult for myself later in life, which is now in my life, I told them when they were young that they could talk to me about anything at any time, and if they called me as they got older, I would answer the phone, no matter what time it was ,middle of the night or if they needed me for something I would go directly with no question no matter what they needed or if they needed just to talk, but now I call them most of the time because the phone actually does work both ways! Most of the time I’m the one who’s doing the calling apparently I made them very independent, maybe way too much independent but it’s a good thing for them and not a good thing for myself as now that I’m in my late 60s it makes me wonder why I push them away so far that they won’t even call me unless it’s maybe I don’t know once a month or not even that often maybe once every couple of months or so I moved back to Washington State so that I could be here for my son who is very ill because I could not stand to be thousands of miles away in Indiana with him being so sick. Anyway, now for the most part, they don’t really truly call me and if I do, they think that I am in need of something regardless of the fact that all I wanna do is say hello I love you! I don’t call them and ask them for a whole lot maybe to come over and help me move some kitty litter from my car to the house/apartment or maybe to help me move some furniture because I am in my late 60s and it’s getting harder for me to do stuff like that. I have felt that they would rather spend more time with my oldest sisters since she lives here in Washington State in the same area! No, I don’t feel sorry for myself. I don’t think that at all. I just wish I knew why they feel it’s easier to talk to my sister then their own mother anyway, I guess that that’s because of the way that I taught them to be independent to do things on their own like I was I really wasn’t taught very much of anything my own mother, which made it difficult for me, as I was raising my three boys! It is what it is and there’s nothing I can do to change it, that’s how things happen.    

  Though half of our family is democratic and the other half is republican my take on all of that is why can we not just get along because we’re family? Why do we have to  be divided because some of us believed in one thing an the rest of us believe in something else.  For instance, I feel that the government needs to be for the people, but most of the government is not some of you may agree in some of you may not, but that’s OK too, that’s what makes everybody different because if we were all thinking the same, then it wouldn’t be any fun now would it? Anyway, I believe that the government should work for we the people and not just for the government employee because that’s what they are. They are we the peoples employees because after all we pay taxes to pay for their supposed employment on our behalf. But enough of that, right?

 Anyway,  I was just sitting here watching TV and feeling sorry for myself because my kids do not call me and say hi how are you or what are you doing today or you know the normal stuff that some children even though they’re all grown up and have their own lives would at least say say hey maybe I should call my mom and see if she’s doing OK but I guess that’s how it goes. When you teach your children to be more independent! Unfortunately for me.

A new third beginning 💐

​There are many pages in your life that changed from one to the next! 2010 I moved to Indiana, and then in 2022. I moved back to my home state of Washington.

  I sold the property that I purchased in INDIANA, I packed a U-Haul and drove across country with another lady by the name of Rita. I got to see a lot of different things as we drove across from Indiana to Washington State. It was actually a nice trip lots of memories made for the both of us. 

I stayed with my sister Diane and was able to secure a job within a month, started my new job on October 16 official date was October 23 of 2022.

There are days that are more harder than others, I came back home to be with all three of my sons, and Indiana I had many ups and downs, many hard days some more depressing than others some more fun than most. I can’t say that I had true friends they were friends, but I can’t say that they were true friends because now that I am back in Washington state they really do not keep in contact with me although many times I have tried to keep in contact with them! But for those people that I left behind, I truly did think of them as my friends and I still do to this day .